And I'm back!

The big first of the day? First Pap smear! Firsts are so crazy. I guess our real first time wielding the speculum was on our amazing saint of a pelvic exam instructor, but this was the first person who wasn't getting paid to tolerate my clumsiness. But it was pretty smooth. Got in, got that swab, got out. The patients were all so kind and sweet today, totally letting me participate and wishing me genuine luck. Thanks, patients!

Anna was there at ob/fyn clinic today, too, and it was fun to work side by side, scribbling our notes. Colleagues!

This guy was teaching us about heart sounds a few weeks ago, and we were all talking about how in real life practice no one really listens to every spot they're supposed to in the right way. He was like, "Ever see someone only listen to 'the sweet spot'?" And we were like, what's the sweet spot? "Where you can hear breath sounds, bowel sounds, and heart sounds all in one spot." Ah, the things I find funny.

Quick, what do these abbreviations stand for?
AAA
SOB
PDA

If you said abdominal aortic aneurysm, shortness of breath, and patent ductus arteriosus, you are a huge dorky medical person. If you said American Automobile Association, son of a bitch, and public display of affection, you are a normal person.

One more for extra credit: VPL.

Things you did

Loaned me books. Entrusted me with your overachiever, priceless notecards. Handed over your high-yield drug sheets. Loaded path lectures onto an iPod for me. Let me borrow said iPod. Left me messages that said I didn't have to call back. Didn't leave me messages at all. Generally excused me from social life. Bought and cooked all of my food. Came out to test eve dinner with me on short notice. Massaged me. Quizzed me in all of your free time from medical school. Beamed me brain power from 35,000 feet. Invented, "All I need is my pastry and my Foucault!" to help me remember Glauche's lysosomal storage disease and its accumulation of glucocerebroside. Told me I am smart. Made me a Boddhisatva wooden trinket that brought me strength. Sent me thoughtful text messages. E-mailed me encouragement from Costa Rica. Remembered the big day even though you just had a baby. Taught me that CO2 = acid. Never judged me for failing. Told me I will be a good doctor. Assured me that I will pass this time right when I needed a pep talk. Wrote me a song. Had my back. Agreed that the test is the lamest thing ever and has nothing to do with doctoring. Told me to stop procrastinating. Said you are proud of me. Brought over inspirational teen sports movies. Sent me a sympathy card that may be the most hilarious piece of mail I've ever received, comedy out of tragedy. Sent me large quantities of fish oil and adrenal supplements.

I really felt your presence on the big day last Saturday. During my break before the last section, I was in the spacious handicap stall of the restroom, acting out how I was rounding the final bend of my race, and all of you were along the sideline chanting, "Brownie! Brownie!" and I got super fired up!!!!! I would also take breathing breaks between sections, focus on my heart, let my love for all of you and you for me fill it up, which I believe entrains brain and heart to promote intuition.

But don't worry, I didn't rely solely on intuition this time. I do think I did better, and I barely had to do better. Let's hope this obstacle is truly behind me now. We'll celebrate when the results come back in six weeks.

Thank you all. I couldn't do what I'm doing without you. This experience really put the "it is not so bad" concept to the test, but with people like you around me, nothing can really get me down. I feel insulated by love. Nobody's gonna breaka my stride.